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Post by summerstorm on Aug 26, 2010 19:39:00 GMT -8
  
I felt a soft bump in my side that woke me up from a fairly comfortable sleep. Letting out a deep breath, I opened my eyes, staring ahead, seeing overstocked bookshelves and clothes littering the floor. It took me a second to realize where I was, and as I remembered I couldn't help but lifting my lips in a soft smile.
I peeked over my shoulder, surprised to see Eli up, pacing the floor anxiously before sitting back down on the bed. He looked frustrated and completely frazzled, as if trying to make a decision about something important. There was something very, very wrong. Before saying anything, I grabbed my shirt and pants from the floor, pulling them on before moving to the edge of the bed and sitting next to Eli.
"Eli.. is there something wrong?"
I asked, my voice genuinely concerned as I looked at him with worried eyes. Gently I took his hand, holding it in mine as I waited for his reply. Worry began to rush through my mind; I bit my lip in anxiety, my body still and cautious. I looked down at his hands, my fingers brushing against his wrists. There were light, straight scars along his wrists. The sight of them made me swallow a lump that had formed in my throat, biting the inside of my lip, nervous about what he seemed so upset about. The scars on his arms disturbed me, but I tried to keep my thoughts at ease until I found out what was going on.
No matter how much I tried, my thoughts seemed to jump to conclusions. At that point, I didn't know if I could handle being without Eli near. It was as if he had taken a piece of myself with him, and I would never get that piece back unless I was with him.
This was completely different than anything I had ever experienced. I would be lying if I said there wasn't something between us. Eli wasn't just no on to me. He had become something to me. An important something. There was no denying that...
Right?
WORDS;; TAGS;; Ava&Eli MUSIC;; THOUGHTS;; This post template was designed by Amami From Caution 2.0Song lyrics from Your love is my drug By Ke$ha[/color][/size] |
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Post by Gracie♥ on Aug 27, 2010 15:26:48 GMT -8
 you heard that i was trouble ,
BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTT A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Eli... is there something wrong?"
Ava's cool hands traced the scars on my wrists, sending a chill down my spine. I knew it would get her thinking, but I didn't care at this point. Any rumor she spread about me would be better than the truth, that was for damn sure.
"Never better," I lied through my teeth, forcing a smile.
The fact that she'd seen my scars was unnerving, but I was sure she'd seen her share of emo bitches, and cutters. Closing my eyes, I hoped with all I had that the fact I was a cutter would scare her away. That she would run away, and I could go back to having a normal life.
Labeling myself as a cutter was so... Bizarre. I dressed in all black, dyed my hair, sure, but a cutter? It was too much to take in, not all at once. I rubbed my forehead with a shaking hand, trying to wipe away the pounding headache that was eating away at my brain, my sense of direction. And, then, as I scanned the room, I saw it.
The blade, torn off a math compass, what I'd been using to cut myself for the last few days. It was bloodstained, and sat idly in the corner of my bedroom, but I didn't want Ava to see it. Paying it no mind, I diverted my eyes, wordlessly leaning back onto my bed with a muffled thump. Shit, I didn't want this to be happening.
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Post by summerstorm on Aug 27, 2010 15:38:01 GMT -8
Never better.
It was a lie. I knew it was, it was plain to see. Letting go of his hand, I watched as he rubbed his forehead, clearly upset about something. With a soft shake of my head, I ran a hand nervously through my hair, trying to catch his gaze as he so obviously was trying to avoid mine. I swallowed the emotion that rose in my throat. He was avoiding me, like he didn't want to be around me. I followed his gaze, seeing a sharp looking object lying in the corner, innocent as ever, but the blood stained surface was all too obvious. Quickly I diverted my eyes, knowing that wasn't something that he would want me to see.
At that point, I debated wether to get up and just leave. Of course I had no vehicle to get home with, but that wasn't the point. I suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious, not really knowing what I should say, what I should do.
"Please don't lie to me, Eli."
I whispered, trying to catch his gaze which was close to impossible as he was avoiding mine. Finally I came to the decision that I couldn't leave things like this. I think I deserved to know what was wrong. If it was any other guy, I would have known that he had just used me. But Eli... I was under the impression that he was different. That he wouldn't do that.
Or at least this is what I thought. And, despite the doubt that slowly ebbed in my mind, I couldn't let myself believe that Eli was like every other guy. Eli was different, he was sincere and genuine.. passionate and amazing. I bit my lip sitting with my hands in my lap, biting my lip as I tried to process the thoughts that ran through my mind at rapid rates.
WORDS;; TAGS;; Ava&Eli MUSIC;; THOUGHTS;; This post template was designed by Amami From Caution 2.0Song lyrics from Your love is my drug By Ke$ha[/color][/size] |
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Post by Gracie♥ on Aug 27, 2010 18:24:29 GMT -8
you heard that i was trouble ,
BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTT A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Please don't lie to me, Eli."
With a frustrated sigh, I pushed a dark brown lock of hair out of her face, wincing as she caught my gaze. I saw the uneasy trace of doubt on her face, trying to ignore it. I knew it was bad, but it was something she had to hear. I'd scared away so many girls before, it shouldn't be that hard. Except, Ava was different. Wasn't she?
"I don't think you can handle the truth," I breathed.
It was true. She was probably already angry with me, and I knew girls to be social creatures. Which, of course, is fine, but if I told her... She would tell her friend, who would tell a friend. Pretty soon the whole school knows, and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't sure how trustworthy she was, though I felt closer to her than I did to almost any other girl I knew.
Damn, I wasn't sure what to feel.
((sorry haha muse died a little again xD))
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Post by summerstorm on Aug 27, 2010 19:18:07 GMT -8
I don't think you can handle the truth.
He told me, pushing a strand of hair from my eyes, wincing as he caught my gaze. I shook my head simply, I knew what he was thinking. He didn't want to tell me, and no, I couldn't make him. But I wasn't some slut without a brain. Say what you will, but I wasn't the typical popular girl. I had a mind, and I could think for myself. I took a breath, trying to figure out the right thing to say, and how to say it exactly right. Was I mad? No, not really. More so frustrated with the situation. Eli didn't trust me; more than that, he was trying to get rid of me. It hurt, but I struggled with the reason behind it.
"Listen, Eli. I can't make you tell me anything. All I can say is that you are more to me than just some guy I met the other day... your different Eli."
My voice came out as a whisper in the end, as I brought my hand up, taking his chin in my hand and trying to catch his gaze. My eyes were soft, genuine in their glistening pools.
"But I'm different too. I'm not that girl who's first priority is to call her friend and create ridiculous rumours. Just give me a chance."
I said everything that I felt needed to be said, my eyes watching him almost cautiously, waiting for a reaction. In all truth, I had no idea what I was about to see. I feared the worst, and hoped for the best.
WORDS;; TAGS;; Ava&Eli MUSIC;; THOUGHTS;; This post template was designed by Amami From Caution 2.0Song lyrics from Your love is my drug By Ke$ha[/color][/size] |
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Post by Gracie♥ on Aug 28, 2010 12:44:54 GMT -8
you heard that i was trouble ,
BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTT A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Listen, Eli. I can't make you tell me anything. All I can say is that you are more to me than just some guy I met the other day... you're different Eli... But I'm different too. I'm not that girl who's first priority is to call her friend and create ridiculous rumors. Just give me a chance."
Ava turned my head to face her, but I stared absently at the deep cuts that ran up either arm. The room was silent, other than my heartbeat, like a drum it grew faster as my mind raced. A moment passed before I had come up with a reply, my whole body shaking.
"I can't just be friends with you, Ava," I started, shooting her an apologetic glance. "But... I can't be with you. I don't deserve to."
My mind was racing, and my head throbbed, but all I could think about was Ava. I knew this would hurt her, but it would save her from a world of hurt down the road. She couldn't be near me. I was a bad person, a cutter, a killer. And Ava deserved better.
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Post by summerstorm on Aug 28, 2010 12:56:47 GMT -8
I can't just be friends with you, Ava. But... I can't be with you. I don't deserve to.
It was a moment before he finally answered, but when he did, I had to run the words over in my mind until I was actually able to absorb the information. Doesn't deserve to? I thought simply, struggling to understand just exactly what he was trying to tell me. My eyes still searched for his gaze, but he still stared absently down at the scars that lined his arms. I moved closer to him, taking his hand in my own, taking a deep breath, trying to figure out what I wanted to say.
"I don't understand, Eli."
I whispered, my lips seeming to move mechanically to make out the words. Despite the fact that he wouldn't meet my gaze, I never took my eyes from him. His whole body shook, including his hand which I held in my own.
WORDS;; TAGS;; Ava&Eli MUSIC;; THOUGHTS;; This post template was designed by Amami From Caution 2.0Song lyrics from Your love is my drug By Ke$ha[/color][/size] |
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Post by Gracie♥ on Aug 28, 2010 13:09:18 GMT -8
you heard that i was trouble ,
BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTT A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"I don't understand, Eli," Ava replied simply.
With a frustrated sigh, I watched her patiently, giving her time to soak up everything that had just happened before I continued. I thought about taking her in my car down to the street where I killed Marina, but I didn't know if she was ready for that... I didn't know if I was ready for that.
"You don't need to understand," I insisted, my voice barely audible. "Look, if you don't have a ride home, I can take you wherever you need to be. I just... don't think you'd be very well off here."
I was speaking the truth now, without spilling too much. It wasn't anything she needed to know. Ignorance is bliss, right? If I told her, she would either try to help me, try to change me... Or be scared away. Either way, I couldn't take it. Not again.
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Post by summerstorm on Aug 28, 2010 13:22:32 GMT -8
You don't need to understand. Look, if you don't have a ride home, I can take you wherever you need to be. I just... don't think you'd be very well off here.
I swallowed, as if having trouble digesting the words that he was saying. My hand let go of his as I stood up from the bed, taking my coat from the floor and pulling it on, still trying to process what he told me. I didn't know wether to be mad or upset. To cry or walk out. Eli was mysterious; I knew that. But this was almost frustrating.
"I refuse to believe this is the way you want it, Eli."
I told him standing by the door, holding back whatever emotion that threatened to overcome me. I would try once more. I almost couldn't believe the events of the past 24 hours. It was surreal to me.
WORDS;; TAGS;; Ava&Eli MUSIC;; THOUGHTS;; This post template was designed by Amami From Caution 2.0Song lyrics from Your love is my drug By Ke$ha[/color][/size] |
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Post by Gracie♥ on Aug 28, 2010 13:40:04 GMT -8
you heard that i was trouble ,
BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTT A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
As Ava spoke, I could hear the emotion creep into her voice. Soaking up everything she was saying, I instantly felt horrible for saying everything I did, but failed to take action for a moment. As I heard the front door open, I rose, following her into the living room.
"Wait. Ava," I called, my chest throbbing from the beating of my heart. "I think we should go for a drive," I explained weakly.
I led her out the door, wordlessly stepping into the elevator and pressing the lobby button. The motor revved, and we were on the ground level after a moment of awkward silence. I could see Morty waiting idly outside, and I led her absently out the revolving doors. It had warmed up since last night, and the sun seemed to be unusually bright, burning my eyes.
I was second-guessing this by now, but there was no turning back. It was something she had to know. Ava would hate me forever, would have to live with the burden, and I wasn't sure by now that was any better than knowing this. I was planning on taking her off to the road, outside of a public park, where I'd killed Marina. In all honesty, I hadn't been back there ever since that day... In Seattle, there were always detours you could take. A single street wasn't hard to avoid, and that was what I had done.
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Post by summerstorm on Aug 28, 2010 13:54:23 GMT -8
Wait. Ava, I think we should go for a drive.
Eli's voice surprised me as he led me to the elevator. A drive. I shook my head at him, not really knowing what to say. But the look on his face, the sound of his voice, it was enough to make me follow him. Right then, I didn't feel the need for words. I let him lead my out the revolving doors, and to his hearse.
I stood at the side of the vehicle, hand resting on the handle. With all my heart, I wanted to trust Eli. But right then I wasn't sure. So much had happened in the past twenty four hours, that my thoughts were completely clouding my judgment. I would just have to go off of instinct. And it was telling me that I could trust Eli. With one glance to him, I bit my lip hesitantly before letting out a breath, and opening the door to slide into the seat.
The silence was beginning to get to me. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable... it just seemed like there was a tense air between us that needed to be cleared. I debated if I should say anything, but then realized I had no idea what would be the right thing to say.
"What is this about, Eli?"
Finally I blurted out, not really intentionally, but not unintentionally either. I tried to keep my voice from sounding anxious and uncomfortable, but I couldn't understand Eli. And that was insanely frustrating.
OUTFIT: www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=1840517TAGS;; Ava&Eli MUSIC;; THOUGHTS;; This post template was designed by Amami From Caution 2.0Song lyrics from Your love is my drug By Ke$ha[/color][/size] |
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Post by Gracie♥ on Aug 30, 2010 6:25:09 GMT -8
you heard that i was trouble ,
BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTT A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Eli...?"
My eyes flickered back to her, uneasily watching her as she sat, a confused expression on her face. In all honesty, I was beyond tears at this point. Absently, I scanned the area, my heart beating out of my chest. Out of words to say, I stared down at my hands, which gripped the bottom of my leathery black steering wheel.
"This..." My voice trailed off weakly before I could continue. "This is where I killed my girlfriend," I said, my voice unwavering.
It's better to just rip the bandage off, right?
My eyes drifted to the floor of my car, avoiding Ava's gaze, and doing my best not to look out the window. I was positive it would send me over the edge, and I would go even crazier than I already was. Slumping back into my seat, I tried to stop my mind from racing any more than it already was.
I swallowed hard. I'm crazy, I thought to myself. I'm fucking crazy. I killed my girlfriend. I'm a cutter. I just had a one-night stand, and now I'm spilling my secrets? God dammit, Eli, you're a psychopath. The tears were creeping back up, but I bit the inside of my lip so hard it bled, keeping the tears back.
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Post by summerstorm on Aug 30, 2010 16:33:03 GMT -8
This... this is where I killed my girlfriend.
It took a few moments for the words to sink in. Killed his girlfriend. Killed? I played the words back in my mind over and over, trying to think of a separate meaning for them besides the most obvious. I turned my gaze to stare out the windshield, lost for words. Killed his girlfriend... no matter how many times I ran it through my head, it didn't make any sense. My eyes were wide in shock, and I opened my mouth a few times, but words failed to leave my lips. I took a deep breath, still trying to figure out what to say. I refused to believe that Eli was dangerous...
He wasn't, was he?
"E-excuse me?
My voice faltered at the beginning, and it felt like it wasn't really me controlling what I was saying. My hands were clenched against the textbooks that sat in my lap until the knuckles turned white. My heart was racing with anxiety, as I bit my lip uncomfortably.
Eli wasn't dangerous... he wasn't... no. That's not him.
But despite how I reassured myself, there was still that nagging doubt that clouded my mind.
OUTFIT: www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=1840517TAGS;; Ava&Eli MUSIC;; THOUGHTS;; This post template was designed by Amami From Caution 2.0Song lyrics from Your love is my drug By Ke$ha[/color][/size] |
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Post by Gracie♥ on Aug 30, 2010 20:01:46 GMT -8
you heard that i was trouble ,
BUT YOU COULDN'T RESISTT A K E A B I T E L E T M E S H A K E U P Y O U R W O R L D- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Excuse me?"
I sat there for a moment, letting my eyelids droop down until they were closed. "Ava, come on. I'm insane... Dangerous, even." My blood was boiling, but the only rage inside of me was hatred for myself. I realized that what I'd said would probably scare her, to the part of just leaving and never coming back. I wasn't sure how much of a good thing that was, but I didn't know if I could speak any more before I just... Snapped. Damn, where was that blade when I needed it?
Glancing down at the deep gashes in my arms, I opened my mouth to speak, explaining to her further what had happened. "We were wasted as hell," I started, my voice quiet and distant, "and I was driving her home. We were right here, and... and, I crashed the car. We'd been in a fight earlier, and by now I'm not even sure it was an accident. I was too wasted to remember. But, she died almost immediately. And I was unharmed. I just... don't know anymore," I whispered.
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Post by summerstorm on Aug 30, 2010 20:10:55 GMT -8
Ava, come on. I'm insane... Dangerous, even.
I was about to speak, when he continued. He talked about him and his girlfriend, and the accident. Suddenly it was as if I could look out the window and see the entire picture. A totalled vehicle, a dead girl and a unharmed guy. I just... don't know anymore. I shook my head, opening my mouth to speak, but I was too shocked for words. Eli had been blaming himself for the accident. He didn't believe he deserved me, because of it. All of a sudden, the small details finally fell into place, like an intricate, complicated puzzle.
"I'm so sorry, Eli. I had no idea..."
My words trailed off, my eyes searching for his as I reached out and took his hand in my own. I turned it over, my fingers tracing the scars that lined his wrists, swallowing the emotion that seemed to be building in the small space.
"Eli, your not insane or dangerous."
I told him, taking a deep breath as I tried again to catch his gaze.
OUTFIT: www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=1840517TAGS;; Ava&Eli MUSIC;; THOUGHTS;; This post template was designed by Amami From Caution 2.0Song lyrics from Your love is my drug By Ke$ha[/color][/size] |
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